Why create this webshrine? Well, this corner of my personal digital space is meant to act as a collection of my studies and reading, and sometimes I can write and share my thoughts or things I like. It’s a journal, of sorts, to share with others who might find it helpful or interesting.

Why Islam?

A recent video that came on my FYP on TikTok summarized this succinctly: “You know you can always just leave, right?” This was specifically addressed to religious LGBT people of Abrahamic faiths. LGBT people will always have a complicated relationship to religions that purport that these identities are invalid in the eyes of God, and that acting on these wishes are sinful.

She is right, of course. It is an option I have considered various times in my life. My background is Muslim, and I was raised in a Muslim household. I did not discover the religion late in life, but was introduced to it through my family. We prayed, went to the mosque, fasted in Ramadan, listened to nasheeds, read Islamic children’s books, and went to our mosque’s Sunday school. It was an integral part of my upbringing. I began wearing hijab at the age of ten of my own volition, despite my parents’ questioning if this was a decision I truly wanted to make. Not even my mother wore the hijab. But I had made up my mind, and they were supportive. As time passed, I began to conceptualize my sexuality, and later my gender. I flitted between bisexuality and straightness, before deciding that ‘lesbian’ suited me best. Of course, this led to many internal struggles with religion. I did cry. I had suicidal thoughts. I thought, if I was to be doomed to hell either way, what difference did it make, if I fulfilled my desires or if I killed myself? The destination was said to be the same.

It’s hard to say why I clung to these options for so long. I suppose another person might simply discard the religion to rid oneself of the guilt. But the truth is that I like many, many things about Islam. I like many of the things I was taught. I like being a Muslim. My practice is not as regular as it should be, nor am I always as good as I ought to be. But I like this. It feels right to me. It feels like home.

And so, I decided that I simply must reconcile the two. God, I decided, was smarter than that. Finding communities of LGBT Muslims online has been invaluable in my journey. Their stories, their books, their voices - all of these provided an anchor to me. The topic is still very taboo, I think, in most mainstream Muslim communities. It’s difficult to seek a larger LGBT Muslim community because there is a very real enmity that other Muslims hold for the LGBT community (no matter how kind they claim to be. I have a story I could tell about my own local community). But there are, in fact, many LGBT Muslims around the world. We are here. In fact, we have been here, in some way or form, for a very long time. We do not want to shed our faith because there are those who think them incompatible. We choose this path.